Patches and the Promise of a Superfluous Hedgehog

YOU ARE NOT TARZAN!!!

Yes, words often heard being bellowed throughout my home.  If not Tarzan, they are pretending to be snakes, horses, dogs, cheetahs.  Pretty much anything that means they are zipping around the house wearing holes in the knees of their pants.  Usual attire consists of stretchy Carters pants (usually around $10 a pair) and something on top.  Usually.

I finally got tired of throwing them out and thought, "you want to be Tarzan?  Then Tarzan is going to get 1970s patches ironed onto his knees."

Strangely, those are not cheap and couldn't bring myself to commit to that level of ugly.  So I took to Etsy.  Custom patches were like $9-$15, so I might as well throw them out and get new pants.

I will not surrender.  I will not give up.

While at JoAnn Fabric buying yarn for another project - another blog altogether - I picked out some print fabric, Fray Check, and Wonder-Under.  Does this confuse you?  Because I didn't do this on my own, I had to have JoAnn (or one of her craft elves who help the craftless) help me.

STEP 1:
First I cut out the prints that I wanted to use.  I am using a canvasy, denimy fabric.  Probably has a name but I don't know those things.  I thought one might have an animal theme and another might be flowers... but more on that later.


Pause to get some wine.  This project needs wine.



STEP 2:
I applied a little Fray Check to the edges to keep the the patches from coming apart at the... edges.  Sorry if I just insulted your intelligence.  It's you not me.  I'm an engineer, not a seamstress dammit.



Pause - a kid got their finger slammed in a door.  Ok.  All good.

STEP 3:
The Wonder-Under is this melty webbing backed by parchment paper that has instruction that I didn't read. For the batch of patches for the animal-themed pants I ironed over a paper bag so that the extra webbing would get fused to the bag.  Worked pretty good.

STEP 4:
I applied the patches to the pants and found that I had a superfluous hedgehog.  Bully for me!  I could see all sorts of placed I could put his cute little self.

I followed STEP 2 - STEP 4 for the flower-themed pair.  I had just finished STEP 3 when I realized I had fused the sticky webbing to the wrong side of the patches.  CRAP!!!  Back to STEP 1.  At this time I realized that there is no such thing as a "superfluous hedgehog."  All hedgehogs have a purpose, a destiny.  His would be live among flowers on some stretchy pants.

STEPS 2-4 followed again without incident. and bam!  We have pants without holes.

Pair #1

Pair #2

Making a Stump Planter, or How to Barter With a Chainsaw-Owning Neighbor

We had a tree trimmer take down a tree that was showing signs of rot.  Since it was connected to another tree at its base, we were left with a stump very close to our deck.  I didn't really want to stare at a stump while sipping my sangria, so I explored what we could do with it that wouldn't harm the attached tree.

Ugly stump

There are a lot of ideas on the web about turning stumps into planters.  For example:
http://www.thisoldhouse.com/toh/how-to/intro/0,,20573015,00.html

I decided to go to the hardware store and buy a $4 chisel and give it a try.  I imagined myself a nascent wood sculptor, easily hewing a perfectly smooth and uniform concavity.  I chiseled and chiseled, and I made almost no progress at all, other than really scraping up my hands.  Despite the rotted core, the wood was surprisingly hard.

It's sad that the before and after chiseling photos are indiscernible

I remembered a neighbor saying he owned a chainsaw, and I could hear that same neighbor out working in his backyard.  I devised a barter offer I thought would be a sure success- a pan of homemade brownies with chocolate buttercream frosting in exchange for hollowing out the top of the stump with his chainsaw.  I stood on our stack of wood and hollered over the fence and asked him if he liked brownies.  To my dismay, he answered that he is allergic to chocolate.  At another time, I might have paused to mourn this sad state of affairs, but I was focused on the objective at hand.  I asked what kind of beer he liked, thinking a case of his favorite would be a welcome trade.  He responded that he "didn't really like beer."  Wine, I asked?  No.  Now I was really getting desperate.  Voice rising, I implored "well, what DO you like to drink?"  He stopped to think, then allowed that he did like Mountain Dew, but indulged rarely as it wasn't healthy.  Now at least I had something to work with.  "How about we trade a case of Mountain Dew for a 10 minute chainsaw job?"  He walked over and considered the stump.   His chainsaw was currently on loan to one of his friends, but as soon as he had it back, he agreed he would come over and do it.

Daily, over the course of the next three weeks, I peered out at the stump from the kitchen window to see if he'd magically come in the last 24 hours and carved it.  I was starting to think that he'd forgotten.  One evening, my son was on the porch and I was inside.  He hurried in to say "mom, there's a strange man in our backyard cutting our tree!"  I reassured him all was well, and this was no Texas chainsaw massacre.

It took a bit longer than we'd predicted- about 15 minutes of solid sawing, since the wood was really hard.  In the end, this was his result:

Hollowed stump

It just so happens I already had a square pot that fit really well into the hole.

Pot filled with a vinca vine and spike plant

A more artistic view from the deck

I fulfilled my end of the bargain and dropped off a case of Mountain Dew, as well as some pretzels to go with it.  It's good to keep your chainsaw-wielding neighbors happy.