Let me tell you how I really feel about cake rolls

I've had a number of bad experiences with cake rolls. Today's failure has now put my solidly in the anti-cake-roll camp. Down with cake rolls!!!!

Certain family members are big fans of cake rolls. I recently bartered help with my son, and his end of the barter request was yet another Ho Ho-style cake. I'm not a big fan of the taste and texture of the filling in this one I've made, and was advocating for a cake that has decent (i.e. real) filling ingredients. He insisted, however, that vegetable shortening must be included in the filling to get that "authentic Ho Ho taste," and he did a search to find this version online. "Whatever," I said, "you want a cake filled with Crisco. I'll make it."

But I was going to be smart about the cake roll portion, or so I thought. I decided to use this recipe from a reliable source. I followed the instructions, separating and beating eggs for many minutes. I baked it for the stated 15 min, then added an additional 2 minutes despite the warning "DO NOT OVERBAKE!!!" The top was solid and sprang back when touched, as directed. The edges looked cooked through.

I flipped it out, and it was mush. Underbaked mush. And you can't put it back in the oven once it's out and spreading loosely over a tea towel. 

Swearing ensues

You just get out a knife and scrape up the muck into the garbage and try to keep the swearing to a relative minimum.

#$%& cake roll scraped up and about the hit the garbage

OK, I thought. I've been stung too many times with cake rolls (including a failure just last Christmas with the frequently requested Gingerbread cake roll). No more with the separating eggs crap. Let's do this with a cake mix, and let's OVERBAKE it. Yeah- let's overbake the HELL out of it.

I found instructions on using a cake mix for a cake roll, involving 6 eggs. I baked this for 17 minutes (again, longer than directed), and when it came out at least it was baked through. 

I proceeded to roll it up and let it cool for 2 hours. When it came time to unroll and fill it, it stuck to the rolling parchment and platter, it broke and cracked, and was just generally ugly and naughty. I slapped some chocolate on top, which covered some of the cracking, and called it a day. The taste is only OK- I'm not a fan of the filling but Will claims to like it. My debt is paid.

If you're feeling lucky, or just plain masochistic, here is the Gingerbread Cake Roll frequently requested at Christmas. When it manages to come out, it really is delicious.

Gingerbread Cake Roll

Adapted from Bon Appetit

3 large eggs, separated 

1 tablespoon butter, melted 

1/2 cup molasses 

1/4 cup sugar 

1 cup all-purpose flour 

3/4 teaspoon baking powder 

3/4 teaspoon baking soda 

1/8 teaspoon salt 

1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon 

1/2 teaspoon ground cloves 

1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 

2 tablespoons powdered sugar 

Spiced Cream Frosting

1 1/2 cups whipping cream 

1/3 cup sifted powdered sugar 

1 teaspoon cinnamon 

1/4 teaspoon ground cloves 

1 teaspoon vanilla extract 

1.Line a greased 15 x 10 inch jellyroll pan with waxed paper; grease and flour wax paper. Set pan aside. 

2.Beat egg yolks at high speed with an electric mixer until thick and pale. Gradually add butter and molasses, beating until blended. 

3.Beat egg whites at high speed until foamy. Gradually add sugar, 1 tbls. at a time, beating until stiff peaks form and sugar dissolves (2-4 minutes). Fold egg whites into yolk mixture. 

4.Combine flour and next 6 ingredients; gradually fold flour mixture into egg mixture. Spread batter evenly into prepared pan. Bake at 350F for 8-10 minutes (This is a LIE- bake for at least 20-25 minutes!) or just until cake springs back when touched lightly. 

5.Sift powdered sugar in a 15 x 10 inch rectangle on a cloth towel. When cake is done, immediately loosen from sides of pan, and turn out onto sugared towel. Peel off wax paper. Starting at narrow end, roll up cake and towel together; cool completely on a wire rack, seam side down. 

6.Unroll cake; spread with half of Spiced Cream Frosting carefully re-roll. Place on a serving plate, seam side down. Spread remaining Spiced Cream Frosting on all sides. Pull a fork or an icing comb down length of frosting. Cover loosely, and chill until ready to serve.